Midnight Snacking

Risotto nero, one of my favourites!
(though not an accessible midnight snack...sadly)

There's this little competition every night between your stomach and the rest of your body; between falling asleep and getting hungry. You have to sleep before you're hungry or you're going to have a bad time. Sometimes I pass the mark and I'm sleepy and hungry at the same time.

At moments like that, sleep wins because I'm too lazy to get out of bed, I've already brushed my teeth and I just want tomorrow to come quickly so I can eat for the day. But oh, the horror of having to sleep hungry. It is torture.

You know what that means? Extend food intake period! Midnight snacks for the win! Case closed. (As if I need another excuse to eat. Ha ha ha.)

An Enemy Too Close

It always begins with a thought. It could be small, ridiculous and irrational so I brush it away. But it's still there. Then everything that follows begins to deceitfully justify that thought. Before you know it, you believe it. That little thought that wasn't properly discarded lingered and grew.

At DG today, we read that distorted images empower ideas. I can relate to that. If you let a potentially harmful idea remain in your head, it's going to behave like a lens that distorts every image, falsely proving your silly thought. It becomes a filter that hides the truth.

The more these thoughts are fed, the more self-destructive you become. You sabotage your relationships, your happiness, yourself. You become your worst enemy, an enemy you trust the most and could never suspect.

Some go on to play the game of blame. Some, I hope, recognize it before it's too late. Me? I'm just constantly trying to save myself from myself.

Freak Show

Exactly what my Biostatistics test today felt like.

I'm a freak show every exam period. Feel like dying before a paper. Stressed. Feel completely relaxed. Paranoid. Difficult paper. Stressed. Easy paper. Paranoid. I just can't be normal.

Then there's that thing where I study and study and my head hurts. It's as if my brain was meant for stupider things and I was pushing its (very low) limit. The key is to de-stress as much as you stress so you can take on more stress.

Problem is that it's a time consuming process so you have to start stressing early. Problem is that it's hard to feel the pressure when your test isn't tomorrow. Problem is that by then it'd be too late and will screw up. Problem is that I don't want to screw up.

Story of a lousy student.

Pathetic

I am always the awkward penguin at every social event. I never know what to say and tend to experience moments of stillness. It makes me look stupid so I sip from my cup, fiddle with my phone and sip some more. That's my usual drill. (That's probably every awkward person's usual drill.) Or blog. Like I am doing now. Yeah. Hi.

It works because you keep drinking and filling your glass and peeing so it gets you moving about (or it could look like you have bad bladder control but lets be optimistic). Then the phone thing makes you look somewhat sociable (media-wise) even if you're not. Clearly, social events are quite a chore for me.

Even so, I still like social events...occasionally. It's the only time I ever try to come out of my own little world and mingle. Of course it is also a facade so people think I have a life outside books HAHA. I don't know why I always have to make myself sound so pathetic. I'm not. Not always. Sometimes. No. Not pathetic. Bye.

The Cheese Platter

Valentine's day turned out lovely, even though I've got plenty to do and I'm really stressed and the chocolate truffles I tried to make for the boy turned out disastrous. Oh disaster indeed! Dumped the butter in too early and spilled cream all over the floor too. That aside, time spent with that precious soul was delightful.

I used to find Valentine's day too cheesy and insignificant but love always makes everything feel like a million splendid stars. Suddenly everything pales in comparison. Right when you think you're the happiest you've ever been, love just comes around and turns your heart into fireworks and your head, a blob of butter gone bonkers.

Wow that was cheesy. I should call this post 'The Cheese Platter'.

Dressing Up

There are 2 reasons to dress up:
1. You're about to be among people who will be dressed up. That includes celebrations, occasions, events and Ren shopping.
2. You're feeling down.

Right now I'm in a semi-casual black dress on my way to school. You actually get a lot of people dressier than that but I consider this a dress up compared to my usual top and shorts or denim skirt.

I doubt there is any legit reason for dressing up when you're down. Dress better, feel better right? Perhaps it's a psychological effect. If you feel like crap, why look like crap though? At least look good while you're at it and hope it balances the glum.

Even if it doesn't work, I'll pretend it does; because if you pretend long enough, you just might believe it.

I am a Jedi

My dreams are always packed with adventure. Last night, I was a young padawan (apprentice training to be a Jedi). Star Wars stuff. I really can't remember the colour of my light saber. Anyway, the Siths and stormtroopers had killed our Jedi masters and we the young padawans (about 12 of us) fought for our lives before going into hiding.

All the fighting made us hungry and this girl downed bowl after bowl of something only to die poisoned. By then we knew we weren't safe and quickly left but a Sith and an army of stormtroopers were waiting for us just outside and so we were caught. They brought us to the Sith Lord and he proceeded to explain his true reason for killing the Jedis.

Yoda! (Simply because he's my favourite character in Star Wars)

For power, yes! You see the Jedis owned Oreo and everyone eats Oreos and that is power! The Siths only had cream crackers which were meh. Oreo in ice-cream, cakes, yoghurt, EVERYTHING. The Oreo owners, the Jedis were powerful! That's why the Siths wanted us dead, so they could rule the world with their horrible cream crackers.

Only 2 of us padawans managed to escape. The rest were killed. We then received a message to go to a secret Jedi headquarters. It could have been a trap but it was our only hope so we had to be careful. Once we got there, we found familiar faces who were family members and we were safe. It didn't take long for the Siths to discover us.

They invaded our headquarters and my friend and I were worried because we were the only 2 with Jedi training and light sabers to protect the lot. Surprise surprise, another 2 of the lot were secretly Jedis, unsheathing their light sabers and fighting alongside us. We slashed and we killed but the Sith Lord was strong. It took 3 of us to fully engage him in combat before one of them sliced him in half, head to...you-know-where.

Finally we won. We counted the few of us who survived and noticed a stranger among us. It was a woman with funny hair. Suddenly a bunch of weird looking people and creatures appeared from behind our walls. Everyone pointed weapons at everyone while a creature pierced the lady's head with a knife. Then the weird people swore their allegiance to us and the lady that was stabbed in the head wasn't even dead and was actually good. Apparently they were forced to work for the Siths and were finally freed. Hah hah hah. The end.

A Potato Just Died

I haven't had potato chips in awhile, which is totally unusual. Alright I had quite a bit at Grandma Margaret's 70th birthday party last week but it doesn't count because I didn't have a whole packet to myself. It's hard to enjoy potato chips without a whole packet for complete satisfaction.

Each day you don't eat potato chips, a potato dies for no reason. So I ask myself, am I really willing to be responsible for the unreasonable death of potatoes? I'm not a monster. I can't. It's not right. Back in the years during wars and what not, potatoes kept our ancestors alive. They deserve more love than that.

My potato chips craving is well justified and so it is only right that it be well satisfied. I shall head to the shops now.

Shoes, They Backstab

All my shoes hate me. How very two-faced! They look all pretty and lovable then they just stab me in the back (of my feet, which totally counts). Shoes are like (some) girls: vicious, manipulative and high-maintenance. They even felt comfy when I first tried them on, you know, as if they loved me back, as if the feeling was mutual. Deceitful creatures. I'm not even talking about heels. Even flats!

I spend all that money on them and treat them with love only to be betrayed. Oh and what are shoes for again? Right, protecting my feet. "You were the chosen one!" Sometimes when I just can't take it anymore, I take them off, walk barefooted and suddenly I see trees of green, clouds of white, bright blessed days, dark sacred nights, and I think to myself, what a wonderful world!

I guess it's the flip flops that are always faithful. They don't bite, they're cheap and they aren't high maintenance at all. Actually...no. Once I was in Cambodia wearing flip flops and it broke when we had to walk through a certain village filled with mud and animal faeces and mother of rubbish. I ended up with stuff in my hair and my face and my clothes. I was quite a sight. Great. Then it's official. ALL my shoes hate me.

PS: In case you think I'm a total idiot, I'm not. (Just partially.) I do wear the right size and I do have a small percentage of faithful shoes.

Hello Hopeless

So. I went to the gym yesterday. I was an utter embarrassment. There are only 2 treadmills in the gym and a middle aged lady was using one of them. She was short, a little plump and was going at a steady speed.

I turned on the unoccupied one, got on it and decided to set it for half an hour of cardio and weight loss. Each button you press goes 'teeeet' (I decided against spelling it 'tit' because you know, I'll be all tit tit tit and it just doesn't seem appropriate).

Reason why the boyf calls me pizzaface.
(at least I don't look that round anymore :/ )

After keying in my weight and height and so on, I was ready to go but I just couldn't get it to start. Teet teet teet teet teet, still no movement. Finally realized I didn't increase the speed. Clearly an idiot.

My goal was half an hour. I started with a jog. Three minutes in and I began panting, the aunty beside me steady as ever. I pushed myself for a bit more until I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. Teet teet teet teet teet teet teet teet *lowering the speed for a brisk walk*...okayfineitwasn'tbrisk.

'Must *breathe in breathe out breathe in breathe out* start *breathe in breathe out breathe in breathe out* jogging *breathe in breathe out breathe in breathe out* again!' So I start jogging again. Another few minutes and I felt like dying. Why the heck do people want to torture themselves like that? I just don't get it.

While the aunty beside me jogged steadily THE WHOLE TIME with increasing speed, I was doing the waaaaalllkkkk jog waaaalllkkkk jog waaaaalllkkk jog STOP sequence. Thought to myself, 'Alright nobody spends that little time on the treadmill, what more the gym. Maybe I'll lift weights.'

I picked up the lightest 2 and followed instructions on some poster. Two minutes later, I was out the door. The aunty? Still on the treadmill. After that I tell the boyfriend, "I went to the gym today." He smiles bright like the sun and says, "Oh yay, good for you!" *smug face*