Growing Up

Whenever I think about turning 21 this year, I'm like, heck, I don't even remember having 20 birthdays! Da crap? I can't be that old. 

Birthdays I remember: the time I had a big kiddie birthday party, the time I was such a hormonal depressive teenager my friends should have beaten me up instead of getting me cake, the time my friends surprised me in my sleep (to which I could only begin to react after they had all gone home because I WAS thaaaat slow), the one where I freaked out about singing in front of a crowd, the time my boyfriend went for a stupid marathon without training then fell sick and the time my boyfriend decided it'd be fun to be in Canada away from me for 4 freaking months.

So if I do the math, I should be...6 and turning 7. Now that just makes more sense. Okay so the truth is I clearly don't want to grow up. I'm dreading adulthood and I'm pretty sure adults understand that. They pay bills, run errands and be all adult-y and stuff.

When you're young, you think freedom comes with independence. The fact is you only gain freedom from your parents (that doesn't mean they're completely out of your life, I just mean you call the shots now) but you become a slave to the world. Independence is not another word for freedom for sure.

The world be like, WERK. Give us all your moneh! Pop babies! Wake early or no breakfast! Make decisions! Think! Don't drink and drive! Slave to the world right there. (Seriously though, don't drink and drive.)

It's just so hard being an adult.  What if I screw up?

Food Glorious Food

I am so blessed to be able to stuff myself with so much good food. The problem is that the better food you eat, the higher your standards. Suddenly all the crap you used to love taste like real crap. Being brought up in a food haven like Ipoh certainly didn't help. Having a talented cook like my late grandma didn't help either. (I swear by her taste buds!) 

Now that I'm studying in Singapore, it's so hard to get value for money when it comes to food. It's as if I have to fork out 5 to 20 times the price (compared to Malaysia) for a good meal. Fortunately, I live with my uncle's family and my uncle is such a good cook! (His awesome food blog, a tribute to my grandmother: www.foodcanon.com) 

Honestly, the reason I look forward to each new day is simply because my tummy is empty and ready for the coming 5 meals! Yes 5 (or more), because I eat for fun so much I end up having frequent small meals rather than 2 to 3 big ones. Apparently, it helps keep your metabolism going. What a happy coincidence! Hah. 

I get so upset after an unpleasant meal because I feel so dissatisfied. All that wasted stomach space! Guess it's time to tap into my (hopefully existent) raw cooking skills and churn out some good food for myself. Soon. Or later. Maybe when I'm older. And living alone. And have no choice but to cook for myself. :/ I don't even know why I blog about these things.

Living Responsibility

I think we owe it to ourselves and the people around us to be responsible for our own lives. Enough with the overdoses and suicides and accidents due to irresponsibility. Value yourselves, for heaven's sake. 

The pain you put people through by leaving prematurely is unthinkable. It's a torture to feel so torn in such an event. I would mourn for you but at the same time I'd be so mad that you were so irresponsible. Is that really the last feeling you ever want to put people through? Being torn that way is such a horrible feeling so stop being selfish and cruel and think about the people who actually care for you.

If you don't think anyone cares for you at all, then you at least owe it to yourself to care for yourself. Don't expect the world to cradle you and sing you lullabies. If you think that's too hard, well it's time to think again. Stop wallowing in your little puddle of mud and get out. Stop trying to run away. Stop putting your worth in things that will depreciate.

If you don't want your life, give it to something worth it like improving the lives of other people. If you don't want to live for yourself, live for someone else. At least it's put to better use. Find value in yourself. A lot of people wish they could live longer so don't you dare treat yours casually or throw it away.

Don't any of you people I know dare leave this world irresponsibly. I'd be really mad. Sad but definitely mad! 

Minion

Hi this is Stuart the minion. Finally, someone to do my bidding.

Now I have this little guy to applaud my every move. Sho adawabuwl! Totally making him clap for me ALL THE TIME! HAHAHA.

Aren't I quite the genius? *clap clap clap*
Confidence level over 1000! Okay, totally cheap thrill but I like!

Yay for the boy who queued and got it for me! Stuart the minion claps for you. (Oh and you're my minion too.)

I don't think I'll ever get bored of that gif. Haha.

The Truth Is This

Sometimes you make me so angry. After awhile I feel so drained because to be upset is tiring, especially being upset with you. I get so tired I just want to stop. Sometimes when things like that happen, we worry either one of us would just give up and let go.

The truth is I want to argue with you, because you're worth arguing with. Rather than just trying to make everything okay, I want to be able to get so mad at you and give you my very honest two cents, knowing that neither of us are going anywhere, knowing that you want to argue with me too because you care. 

Because after feeling so tired, I'm secretly excited that we've reached this stage where I can just be honest with you and not worry about losing you; because I know full well that you are mine and I am yours and that it'll take more than just thunder and lightning to change that.

The truth is I want to argue with you, as much as I want to laugh with you and mourn with you and be bored with you and be excited and crazy and silly and stupid and annoying with you. All because you're worth it.

Stairs

There's this unspoken escalator rule in Singapore where you stand on the left side if you're...well, just standing OR walk up/down the escalator on the right as if you're very busy and time is so very precious that even the moving escalator is not fast enough for you. Basically, it's stand left, walk right.

Most of the time I keep right and walk because I'm the sort of person who can't keep still.....unless it's a long long way up. Also because during peak hour, you try to be faster than everyone else to get to your destination as soon as you can so you don't have to wait with a whole bunch of other people. Also because I'm very busy and time is so very precious that even the moving escalator is not fast enough for me. Ha ha ha. No. Anyway.

Today on my way back from work, I took the stairs down and thought to myself, "Better keep right and take a speedy walk down."

Seconds later I realise I'm actually taking the stairs. THE. STAIRS. Then I was like, "What, people walk down the stairs on the right and stand still on the left?"

I actually had to take a couple more seconds to process that thought.

Sentiment Marks the Pants

Early today I was thinking, "I'm quite a sentimental person." I always find some sort of value in most things. I looked at the green pants I was wearing that I love so much and thought to myself, "If I was offered to trade this pair for a new one, would I do it?" Immediately I answered, "No. This particular one has been with me since I bought it. This pair has taken the shape of my butt and legs. We've become intimate. We've become one. I wouldn't replace it."

Sentimental or what?

Later today, I noticed marks on my pants. Sad I am. Then the same question came to mind. 

"...yes, a new pair would be nice."

Not sure if the point of the story is how sentiment is conditional or to not be emotionally attached to pants OR I'm just weird and crazy and think of stupid things.

I need to rethink my life.